Love hurts — Why does it? That’s the answer
Love hurts — frequent statements that we meet absolutely everywhere anytime. You can meet them in books, forums, music, films, myths and so on. Millions of people simultaneously trying to solve this problem all over the world. Billions of tips and recipes are carefully and vainly checked by both sexes. Money flows like a river, paying for new personal experiments in vain. Social networks of all sorts are clogged with similar questions and statements:
- Why is love so painful? Everytime …
- Why does love bring so much pain?
- Real love brings pain and …
- Love always brings pain …
- When love brings suffering …
How did that happen? Why the phrase «Love brings pain» in inter-human relations has the right to exist?
Let’s explore it a bit…
It so happened that a person is born. And this is a wonderful moment, which means the arrival of a new destiny in our world. Its history has not been written yet, and it can be filled with all the most beautiful and pure. He can become a bright and wise person who easily interacts with his own and family. His presence in the lives of others will bring joy and inspiration. Interaction with him will cause ease and confidence. To be close to him will bring calmness and fun at the same time. You can rely on him as you can on yourself. This
is a person and what he is, and that is why he is interesting so much!
Man is born strong
The child is born small and naked, clean and defenseless. His eyes shine with joy and interest. He lovingly draws hands to those who are around. Smiling to those who are gentle and cares about him, who notices him and plays with him. Openness and curiosity in the actions of the child cause everyone in closiness feelings and a storm of impressions. And these feelings, as a rule, are the warmest and most joyful.
The warm feelings of a close to a child in response to his open actions give parents and associates additional strength and sense for their existence. The content of life expands and fills, new colors and nuances appear. Joy and interest become joint.
Curiosity, interest in the environment and the openness of the child are transformed into real powerful resources of his family and the everyone. Their relatives realize their own desires. This desire to take care of, play and pamper, take responsibility for the events. And these events must necessarily be bright for everyone.
This Force is hard not to follow — it’s Inspiring! ..
Curiosity, interest and criticism
There comes a time when the child becomes more independent. He is already interacting more and more, with the objects surrounding him. His curiosity leads to those places where for an adult, in his opinion, there is an external danger. Interest makes him check everything to the touch and taste. Openness and inexperience opens up new interactions with animals, adults and children. For the child come new words: «impossible» and «you are not so … as» . There comes a moment of socialization and new life rules.
And these rules, at times, are not entirely clear to him. And the reasons for this exist:
- Nothing is explained to the child …
- He does not understand the way of explaining (for example, an adult language)
- There is not enough knowledge and experience for the child to understand …
The child more often begins to interact with adults in the zone of inconvenience. More recently, such reliable and supportive people suddenly become «different.» They get angry, scold him and demand something incomprehensible. The child’s usual open and inquisitive actions are criticized. He is being asked less and less why he is doing something. For some reason, everyone increasingly knows it. And it seems to him that the family needs him less..
And here for the first time a person gets an idea of a particular danger. The danger of doing something wrongly, the danger of getting a painful reaction to yourself from loved ones. The danger of being alone. And it hurts!
And the Openness of a person begins to shift towards Caution …
Criticism and doubt
For a person of 6-8 years this is a golden age. This is the time of new knowledge, the time of transformation. A lot opens to him, and becomes more clear. It is easy to write letters and numbers. It’s easy to read big words and decide first lessons. For the child remains still incomprehensible — a personal attitude towards him.
Nobody explains the rules of relations, no one teaches such a science. As before, the child has many opportunities to learn at random. Around there are many children, and all have different behavior. Someone is confidently holding, but someone is panicking at every opportunity. Some skills are given easily, but someone is difficult to learn. And all important people have a different attitude to the learning and behavior of the child and frequent incomprehensible criticism. What to do, what to focus on?
At 6-12 years, the conscious part of the brain more and more looks around and develops confidently. Assessments and comments of other people are very vivid. The ability to consciously compare motivates a person in difficult situations, so that he often asks himself questions:
- Am i fine?
- What is wrong with me?
- Who am I?
Provided that such questions, a child asks himself in difficult and meaningful situations for him — then the answers for him are bad. Negative criticism raises doubts in him. Doubt in their own abilities and the danger of getting a painful reaction to themselves from close and dear. Comes the danger of loneliness. And it hurts!
And the Interest of a person begins to shift towards Doubts …
Doubts and the search for new Support
Adolescence — its a long period, which begins at 13-15 years. Time to seek new knowledge and experience, time to fill the inner void. The child has already developed his «uncomfortable» experience, and it’s time to find an explanation for everything. He is ready and self-sufficient.
That’s where all the «necessary» knowledge and strategies come to it. These are books, forums, music, movies, myths, friends and acquaintances. He swallows everything that answers the questions posed to them. Listens to all who give him other people’s explanations and new behavior skills.
But what questions are asked by a young and inexperienced person? The answer is simple — matters about, what his hurts. He does not have a group of people who will tell that:
- The question — gives the direction of an answer!
- Ask about what you want to get, not about what you need to get rid of!
And instead of studying the models «go for joy,» he studies everything about «getting rid of pain.» And to any person it becomes clear — in whatarea exactly child becomes competent. All the knowledge that he receives goes through his fear of being alone. And it hurts!
And the Joy of man begins to shift towards the Depression …
External support and Programs for people
Accumulation of «positive» foreign experience in the fight against «his own pain» continues, and the child becomes obsessed with other models of his behavior. The child carefully checks, investigates and applies them. From the most «viable» of them, he gets used to and makes them his part of personality. There comes a time when the models of «fighting behavior» adopted by him become automatic.
There is a new support for protecting yourself — the survival programs in the «world of pain.» Nearby there are people who confirm the whole reality of the existence of just such a form of life. The child simply ceases to notice other models, since openness and interest have long since passed. The fear to remain alone remained. And it hurts!
And the Curiosity of a person begins to shift in the direction of Selectivity
Programs and Habits of man
There comes a time when automatic programs in a person receive a critical mass. Programs become habits and begin to live independently. And then you can confidently say that a person does not have a habit, and habit gets a person.
Everyone knows many bad habits that people have. Many people know that sometimes it takes a huge effort to get rid of them. And many simply can not do this without special training.
It is easy to declare a person who is controlled by his habits — like a kind of bio-robot. His thoughts and actions are unconsciously imbued with struggle and survival. He lost in homself:
Instead of the necessary qualities for the emergence and maintenance of love in a person — in him live:
And all this list serves only one idea — protection from the danger of getting an «unhealthy» reaction to yourself.
Fear and danger of loneliness. And it hurts!
Human Habits and Expectations
And now the time has come when a man-biorobot received a real need for love. It can be the creation of friendly or family relationships — in a word, meaningful. After all, with all his training and competence, come needs, that pushed him to such an education and in this experience remained the same. They are all alike:
All this is hidden under the roles and masks of habits / programs. Moreover, sometimes needs are hidden from the awareness of the person himself. He does not even guess that all his acquired knowledge and experience of «avoidance» completely deprive him of his inner strength.
All the internal forces of man and his energy are expended on protection from his «childish» fear of loneliness. Energy is spent on maintaining its competence about other people.
Maintaining his skeleton of myths and beliefs becomes an end in itself. The worship of his virtual universe is mandatory. And he with pleasure
is ready to share the burden of energy supply of its «skeletons in the closet»
with someone. He is even ready, and he wants to call it «love» …
Expectations and pain
And such a person / robot meets his «sutable couple». He, like everyone else, openly wants simple human happiness. And secretly, even from himself, there is an independent goal — the activation of his programs and habits at the expense of other people’s energy.
«Sutable couple» is interesting for a person / a biorobot only at first. His knowledge and experience almost completely replace the need to be interested in the partner. What for? Everything is clear, everything is predictable. Let’s not waste our time … We need another donor …
It may take time to detect a hidden target. And the reaction of the «sutable couple» will not force a person to wait.
The person / parasite remains alone. With his Fear, with his virtual universe and with his own Pain. And so on and on in a circle, but with a new modifications …
He already knows that «love hurts» …
And a person / a biorobot also has children … And this is a beautiful moment, which means the arrival of a new destiny into our world. His story has not been written yet, and it can be filled with all the best of rhe best. He can become a bright and wise person who easily interacts with people. His presence in the lives of others will bring joy and inspiration. Interaction with him will cause ease and confidence. Near to him will be calmness and fun at the same time. You can rely on him as on yourself. And this one